9 Ways to Get Over a Breakup Fast and Move on

1. Know the pain will end.

Ironically enough, my husband said something to me during my bargaining phase with him that set the stage for an expedited healing process. He said, “We are not always going to feel this way.” In other words, I was not always going to feel hurt, nor was he. Eventually, my suffering would end.

At the time, most of me didn’t believe what he was saying, but there was a part of me that knew he was right. Without any effort on my part, his wise words played through my head at times when I really needed to hear them.

Although those words gave me hope, they also caused dread. In spite of hating the pain I was tempted to hold onto it. Letting go would mean my marriage was really over and I’d have to move on. Holding onto the pain meant holding onto my marriage.

You may find yourself facing the same temptation to hold onto your pain. Resist. Holding on to the pain means delayed recovery. Delayed recovery means delayed “living-to-the-full.” You deserve better.

Remember: you will not always feel horrible. Without any effort on your part, time will mitigate much of the pain.

2. Create rituals to get you up and move.

During a time of sadness and depression, it always helps to have daily rituals that get us up and moving. These simple rituals were a saving grace for me during the first couple of months of emotional pain. When depression strikes, it’s often difficult to get out of bed. It’s difficult to make daily decisions. What to do next?

For me, the daily rituals went like this: wake up and read affirmations. Stretch. Make a cup of tea. Make the bed. Set the table for dinner…

These are simple actions. When things are going fine, we do these types of things every day without giving it much thought. During a time of depression, “these simple actions often represent significant accomplishments in our day.”

Performing these rituals every day at about the same time can be very comforting because it provides structure and familiarity at a time of uncertainty and instability. Your daily ritual can include an exercise routine, prayer, meditation, light housekeeping, reading — just about anything simple that provides a sense of control and accomplishment.

Don’t underestimate the power that the sight of a made bed can have on an oppressed soul.

3. Comfort yourself.

Just as I hate pain, I love comfort. Who doesn’t? But, I would say most of us aren’t that used to pampering ourselves. Somehow, we feel guilty taking too much “me” time, or indulging in guilty pleasures, like eating fattening foods. We feel ashamed spending time in activities that don’t produce anything tangible, like watching movies and TV shows, or doing a hobby just for therapy.

When I became separated, I spent the first month in bed watching television. Specifically, I watched the television show 30 Rock over, and over and over again. After reaching the end of available episodes, I would start over from season one, episode one.

If anyone asked me how I got through the first month of grief, besides the comfort given to me by my parents and a couple of close friends, I would give a lot of credit to 30 Rock. Something as simple as a television show can be very helpful.

During your time of grief, treat yourself as often as possible. Be your own loving friend and show yourself a lot of compassion. “Give yourself flowers. Buy yourself a nice gift. Make comfort food. Go to the movies often or watch anything you want on television. Sleep with a large teddy bear.” Do whatever it takes to comfort you.

4. Line up tasks and keep working.

During this time of grieving, I kept working. I found out much later from my boss that my company provides leave for family upheavals such as separation or divorce, but I’m happy in hindsight that I kept working. Some people may need the time off — it all depends. However, for me, it was a saving grace to be able to wake up in the morning with the goal of making it to work.

I’m a managing librarian at a busy library branch. Although I don’t always have to work on Saturdays, I opted to go in most Saturdays during my transition to do the work of a book shelver, a job usually relegated to a high school student.

Shelving books and making sure books already on shelf were in order provided a form of therapy for me. It helped me pass some difficult weekend hours.

Some other tasks that provided me with therapy were knitting scarves, washing dishes by hand, and cleaning out closets in my home.

While staying busy with tasks is another tool you can use to heal, keep in mind that balance is needed to make sure busyness does not replace the feeling and spiritual work that is vital to healing properly.

5. Find support from family members and trusted friends.

The first months after my separation were spent on the phone. My mother lives miles away and so does my best friend. I spoke to my mother four to five times daily, and my best friend called me every single day. My father spoke to me often, as well. His advice and compassion were invaluable. I will always remember this love; without it, I would have been lost.

A small part of me felt bad for being such a “burden.” But, a much bigger part of me was grateful to have trusted loved ones available at most times of the day to listen to my fears, concerns, and reflections, and to patiently tolerate a lot of crying.

Having a trusted sounding board is crucial. If family members or friends aren’t available, get a compatible therapist or join an appropriate support group. Talking through the healing process with a trained professional may prove to be beneficial in the absence of more personal contacts. A support group can provide a great source of comfort because everyone there will be at different stages of the healing process.

Whoever you choose to support you during this time, make sure the person is gentle, compassionate, patient, positive and a very good listener. It may be tempting to isolate yourself as you grieve, but resist the temptation. We all need help from time to time. Don’t consider yourself a burden. It makes people feel good to help.

6. Nurture your body.

Some people eat when they’re depressed. I am not one of those people. When depressed, I don’t eat. Despair causes me to lose at least two pant sizes. The depression over my breakup was no exception. The lack of nutrition and calories didn’t help.

The night of our separation, my husband was having a hard time with his feelings. He suggested we both drink alcohol to alleviate the pain. I opted not to, in a rare moment of insight. “Why add the physical pain of a hangover to the emotional pain I was feeling?”

The truth is that the body, mind, and emotions all rely on one another. The physical repercussions of under-eating, overeating, loading up on junk food, forgoing water intake, remaining sedentary — the aftermath of all of these behaviors often adversely affect your mind and emotions.

Although I initially neglected my body, eventually I began to take care of myself. I made sure to eat balanced meals, and after years of neglect, I took up Yoga again. Yoga has been particularly good for me. The postures I practice not only condition my body but they remind me of the way I need to live my life: with strength, focus, flexibility, and balance.

7. Picture the future.

In three to four months after my separation, I was able to start thinking about the future without fear. I started wondering what might be in store for me, not just romantically, but in every way.

Now that my marriage was over, it began to occur to me that I had the option to design the type of life I wanted. I married straight out of college. Now, for the first time in my life, I could decide what I wanted without having to take into account what someone else wanted.

When you start to look at the future with even a dim light of anticipation, you know that you are healing.

Besides daydreaming from time to time, I also created a vision board. A vision board is a creative tool used to help you focus on your life goals. I tore relevant images from magazines and pasted them on a large piece of cardboard.

Besides images pertaining to the house I want, and other desires, my vision board features an adoring man lifting up a woman with love in his eyes as he looks up into her beaming face. I’m experiencing that now, months later.

They say that “when a door closes, a window opens.” The door may have closed on your relationship, but somewhere there is an open window with a lovely view of your golden future. Take a look.

8. Help someone else.

During the first few months after the breakup, I was expert in one area: self-pity. I continually felt sorry for myself. When I saw couples walking down the street hand-in-hand, I felt sorry for myself. When I spent Friday nights alone, thinking about how much fun other people were having, I felt sorry for myself.

My mother suggested that I look for ways to make someone else’s life better, something that would take my mind off myself and put things in perspective.

Since I love animals, especially dogs, I volunteered at a no-kill animal shelter. The dogs there were elderly and disabled. Although no one wanted to adopt them, they needed care and affection, something the dogs and I had in common at the time. As I gave to the dogs in the form of kindness and concern for their needs, they gave me the feeling that I was making a difference in their lives.

The volunteer job served up another bonus: “I was able to walk dogs with other volunteers, which allowed me to strike up new friendships.”

I believe that helping those lives helped my life, because as I gave love to those dogs they gave it back. I believe that when you give you automatically receive. I believe that helping is a substantial part of healing.

9. Be grateful.

It sounds old-fashioned, quaint, and pat, but I found that focusing on what’s right in my life instead of on what’s wrong causes me to feel peaceful and easy.

Part of being grateful is comparing our problems with those who have it much worse than we. My marriage was over, but there were people in the world who were terminally ill, or had chronic diseases, or lost family members to natural disasters or war. On any given day, I could walk down the street and see people who had it worse than I — homeless people who were not only lacking significant others, but were lacking basic necessities like food, and fresh water.

Even in my emotionally weak condition, I had a home; money to cover my rent, bills, and basic necessities; parents who were well; a grandmother who was still with me at 88 years old; brothers who lived nearby; a very good job; caring friends… the list goes on. Even the small things in life — the ability to take a hot shower every morning, for instance — take on greater significance when we think about what life would be like without them.

Gratitude puts things in perspective.